Wel its now week 3.  Mentally ive mellowed out and got it back together.  Still a lot of prayer, a lot of great friends who've been there and kept in contact wit me throughout all this and ya'll are my peoples for reals.  I appreciate you wit all my heart.

 

Had an interview at one facility i applied to.  Pretty informal sittin down with the supervisor lead.  She was very nice very pleasant.  Asked me basically what i was about and then told me what they were about.  Gave me the run down about them workin 3 12's and the payrate and how many staffed at any given time.  Somethin all in all im down wit totally.  After i got home they called back settin up time to do a personal history questionaire.  and soon after that set up my oral board meeting which is basically the final step before they accept/reject you.  They down 6 people and are lookin to hire on pretty quick it seems and im prayin ill be one of'em.

 

Today i did the personal history questionaire which i could tell is gonna be the prequel to the polygraph test coming up which i feel comfortable about cause from my accidents, tickets, no drug history or felony histories im sure all will pan out well.  After leavin there i had a test at another agency so crossed over the valley and got there after a small parking snafu.  I go into that facilities garage thats for their staff only i guess but with my trailblazer EXT that soon became a nightmare.  it was sooooo narrow and not your standard garage. i got all the way up to the 8th level before a gate prevented me from goin any further.  So in the middle of this literally built for a one way motion garage here i am inching forward 1 inch, backing up 1 inch, inching forward 1 inch turn my truck COMPLETELY around to head back down the way i came praying no car came up otherwise that was gonna be ugly.  completing the task with my expert driving skills (that and the rear view camera above my back license plate) i headed back out to the main level and across the street to the paid parking.  $10 for 3 hrs or more sheesh. 

 

Get up to the floor and theres already 6 other people waiting to test too.  We're early so i go potty since its supposed to be 2hrs of testin.  Dude eventually shows up to let us in the room.  7 seats total 2 guys 5 girls.  We start wit the multi-task test which we were allowed to do 2x but they wont tell you what your results were.  That specific test is their "dispatch" test. you pass that you'll go into that pool of canidates. you fail it well they'll just throw you in the call reciever pool.  20 lines, 3 columns you have to get 42 right to pass.  I just BARELY passed when i applied to valley corrections center so i knew what to expect wit this one just a matter of would i barely pass again or not lol.  after that was the critical call computer test (the "written") that was split into various sections such as addressing, mapping, address book reference, spelling, proper sentence grammer etc.   In the middle of some of the early sections you'd get a 911 call on your screen you'd have to one click dispatch by clickin on the police, fire, ems, or utility icon.  you'd have 15 seconds to do so while doin the other stuff.  for example: on the addressing part through your headphones its spelling johnson (and other info that you'd find in a rolodex card) but in the middle you'd hear a ding and in the bottom right corner a sentence would pop up sayin " billy just pulled a gun on their friend jack"  so i'd finish spellin johnson (since i already knew of course how to spell that) then id click the button for police within seconds of the dispatch poppin up.  So that was easy and fun the rest of it as well. lot of 100%'s i think the mapping i got 13 out of 15 right but then there was one section..... that obliterated my score to tragic proportions.  MEMORY RECALL.  in this section there was 10 you had to do and i knew immediately i didnt stand a chance.  it was say somethin like 14khci83...now  you had to REMEMBER that!  you are NOT allowed to write anything down and the computer wont let you realtime type the numbers and letters as theyre bein said.  10 of those! you had to remember then recall! Ya'll who know me know.... if it aint somethin i can put n my pda, blackberry, post it here for later memory or audio note record.... it just aint gonna happen!  i got ONE out of TEN correct in that section hahahahaha ugh.  so in the end i ended up wit overall score of yet again..... 81%! needed a 70 to pass! 

 

Downside is of my testing class he has 2 others to test and of those 3 classes only the top 10 move on to get the chance to interview etc.  currently he said they had 40+ dispatchers in a pool to be interviewd and 100+ call recievers.  Im in it to dispatch but 1) ive had to have passed the multitask test then 2) had been in the top 10 of the 3 classes THEN the guy said that pool of people will have to wait till the agency says "ok we're ready for a new pool to talk to!" that is unstable unreliable and not lookin good at all for my chances.  So right now it seems all has dwindled down to the 1st agency that i have the oral board March 6th.  If i dont get accepted there im gonna be in HUGE trouble financially because by the time anything else pans out all my savings will be exhausted.  So please please keep me in your prayers. 

 

My whole family has been sick over the last week.  My daughter so sick i had to call her doctor on call at 2am for him to prescribe her somethin cause her cough was every 10-20 seconds. CONSISTENT.  nothin over the counter would stop it and it was keepin her up, me up, wifey up.... it just sucked.  3am i go up to walgreens to pick it up, come back and give it to her and wasnt stoppin it none.  doc had said if it continued may have to take her to the ER.  Yeah well tell that to someone whos GOT insurance. :(   all i could do is near tears pray for my 5 year old child that she'd get better.  Yes wifey has benefits but they BLOW. they didnt even cover the medicine i had just picked up! Could only give her the meds every 9 hrs so come daybreak nothin had changed after 2 doses really.  It sounded dry still (the cough) so i was desperate and me and wifey decided to give her a nebulizer treatment to see if it would open up her lungs and stop the coughin.  Those we give 2x every 6 hrs and the cough stopped!  We gave her the meds as well and she slept like a BRICK.  I was so concerned cause she had stopped coughin that i was actually gettin up to check her breathing!  GOD IS GOOD!!  The cough now comes and goes and she says her tummy hurts now but shes not as bad as she was.  Me... i still have an occasional cough that produces phlegm but not as bad as last week, my son just runny nose type ish, and wifey the last to get sick is complaining of a sore throat and glands swollen.  Im so ready to go back to work this is absurd.  I dont even have motivation to do my volunteer work but i still do it.

 

Tune in next week for week 4, the 1 month anniversary of bein denied clemency and where the good Lord has taken me in life since.  Gotta run.  Need to put the boy to bed whos crawling ALL over me and go get my gurl from the airport. peace

It's been 2 weeks now since i lost my job and im coming unglued.  Going absolutely CRAZY. This truly is now becoming the diary of a mad man.  Anxiety, Stress, Panic...  Im becoming unnerved.  Those guys that freak out when they cant find somethin to support their family and decide to eat the barrel of a gun instead.. I see the sheer distress those people mustve been under and im only at day 14 of my ordeal.  (im in no way even close to contemplating such a thing)

 

Im awaiting to hear from a couple jobs i had applied and tested to be apart of still.  With unemployment the jury is still out as to whether they will approve me to make things a lil less (financially) stressful.  In the meantime ive fallen ill and its not helpin anything at all.  My vision started goin all haywire the sunday of my tests so i went to the store and ordered my glasses (ive had the prescription since last april ive just been avoiding the purchase cause im still content wit havin my lasik surgery exempting me from glasses.  They'll be in on the 18th or 19th which is fine cause my vision has seemed to have reset itself now so thats $230 blown that wasnt necessarily needed right away (no insurance)

 

Checked up on the Sugacane... she's doin fine.  Chillin in moorage still.  wouldve been givin her an inaugural launch next month after dewinterizing her but thats $300 i no longer have unfortunately so when she'll be launched (if ever under my command) remains to be seen.

 

Happy Valentines Day to all of you out there.  My dear dear friends who have actually kept in touch with me.  It really means a lot.  Ive butted heads with a few recently over various situations from political closed mindedness, their own selfish desires within our friendship, to just outright IGNORANCE of my feelings and emotions.  What i write to you is NOT a pity party.  Im not a victim, i am the cause of my situation and i truly regret it to lil too late.  I cant believe how stupid i was at the beginning of my career to have thrown it away.  But its my KIDS i worry for.  The life they were blessed with equalivent to how i was raised.  No worries no needs (but plenty of wants) Who wants to downgrade the lifestyle you were blessed with to give to your kids and spouse because you messed up?  We all know what the housing market is like now and the creditors.  So DONT get it twisted yes i am depressed but NO im not feelin sorry for myself im worried for my kids and what they may have to give up if something equivalent to what i was making.  THIS is the crossroads many people are at when they decide as i have to keep the faith in the Lord that somethin will pull through for the best or as others unfortunately have and ended their lives out of shame and thinking their families will be better provided for w/out them or with the life insurance money.  Always always KEEP THE FAITH.  Please dont kick others when theyre already down it helps NOTHIN.

HUGE HUGE HUGE DAY TODAY!!  Woke up this morning after a lil tossin and turnin today.  Tamia's 1st day practicing for the kids choir at our church.  Those kids ROCK! My niece and nephews are all apart of the choir which is awesome the good base that's bein instilled in'em musical wise (and even spiritually)  They practiced for an hour and their 1st "performance" is tomorrow in front of the church during service.  Wish i could be there but tomorrow is the beginning of my testing for another job that i had applied for.  Gonna take a couple hours and its the same time as church.  Ah well.

 

When church service was over we made a B-line right back to south hill stoppin by mcdonalds for "fuel" for the kids lol!  Punched in on my navi system the address for the Boilermakers Hall in the sticks of s.hill and proceeded on in.  Gettin there round 1220ish not many people where there (yet)  It was originally a confusing start but things started smoothing out.  You started out by dividing up into your precincts thats printed out on your voters card. (im precinct 25-163).  1pm came around and they made the announcement that we were bout to get started but LEGALLY they couldnt begin till 130pm but for now get divided according to our precincts.  I was all signed in and ret-ta-go! had my Obama rally sign wit me and was ready to set it off up in that joint!  Wifey asked to come along to the choir practice and the the caucus so it was a family affair all day.  Once 130pm came around they werent playin they closed all doors and all were divided up and had their precinct leaders and they started readin out the rules for everyone to hear.

 

1st they elected a secretary to record minutes, then someone to record all the names and who they were votin for in the election.  Those who hadnt wrote down their person when they 1st signed in were called up to declare their choice.  Of all in my precinct only 3-4 people were undecided. but at that point we had i think 12? delegates to divide up makin it obama 7 hillary 4 and 1 to uncommited. YES! now of those uncommited round 2 they had to declare their choice so it then came to us havin to coerce those 3-4 people to come to our side (obama) or declare clinton.  they mingled a lil and they sat and let people approach them.  You KNOW i wasnt gonna surrender nothin to her at all! I didnt pressure i was just waited.  One lady was at their circle speakin to'em and i asked when she was done if she was clinton or obama so i knew if obama still needed to be repp'd.  she was obama so i said coo and remained staged nearby.  But once they hopped up to mingle...peppermint pimp ready to turn'em on to the game! hahahaha. I told that lady who was talkin to'em lets tag team'em and see if we could win'em over.

 

I ended up talkin to 3 of'em total.  And i told'em the truth of the matter.  I had read obama's book, Hillary's book, ive watched ALL the debates, kept up wit all the primaries, went to Obama's rally the day before.  I wasnt votin for obama cause he's the Black canidate i was for'em cause i truly believe he can bring this nation back together and be super glue not masking tape in a rain storm.  I ran it down up down left right bout some of the things Hillary had just said at her lil town mtg forums bout "doing what she could to clean up the puget sound and keeping fairchild afb open" i just rolled my eyes.  desperate to say what the people wanna hear vs what you'd truly do in office.  After she hopped on her plane im sure Puget Sound'll be the last thing ever on her mind.  One lady i had talked to was declaring Clinton and i worked on her too about the truth of the matter and who she really thought would be best to bring us as a people together and would win an election next to whoever the repub nom will be (im personally wantin huckabee always have liked what he had to say even though was the underdog ive kept up on their elections and debates too)

 

In the end we converted at least one to OBAMA!  as she walked up to the paper to declare me and the lady gave each other a high-5 hahaha so childish i know but our work was done.  I dunno if the other lady still declared clinton or not and the other 1-2 people i dunno but even if i got to one, my work was done.  We all know the results of the night anyways with Obama sweeping all 4 primary/caucuses and not barely..... no a SPANKIN! over 21k in washington to her 9k votes!  now if you think back to the rallies they both had on thurs and friday.. LITERALLY those numbers are the same numbers that were at each of their rallies!  18k inside the key arena with me and 3k outside that couldnt get in... clinton had bout 4k on thurs at pier 60 and 5k at town hall forum in tacoma! 21k and 9k!  Disappointing to see Mccain win Washington over Huckabee was hopin Huckabee would sweep this round like obama did but 2 outta 3 is good still.

 

We left before the delegate selection process started.  I wanted to be one but due to my current employment status i definitely couldnt commit to such a obligation.  Unfortunate cause id be honor to go to the state legislative level and maybe all the way up to the convention that'd be awesome!  Came home and relaxed for a bit, In-laws came over so we kicked back and had a beer and watched some boxing and talked politics that had been goin on.  My friend needed me to watch her son so had him too didnt take much he just plugged right in wit my two.  After all took off showered up and here i am now typin to you all before i lay down and get ready for another big day tomorrow.  (thriller music playing) The job testings.

Well... Its been 1 week now that i was denied clemency at my execution.  The week prior that i was ordered into confinement had been rough.  Tears, stress, even lost 3-4 lbs.  The day my clemency was denied did come as a shock as i wasnt supposed to hear back from the board until the following day.  Goes to show i stood no chance at all if you get denied a full day ahead of schedule.  From there i really did hit the streets hard on the grind trying to find somethin else and quick.  Its all business they could care less that you have a family. 

 

I had asked them to commute my sentence down since i had never been in trouble as a call reciever.... even that fell on deaf ears.  When they got your death warrant signed they wanna see it fully through to the end.  PERIOD.  Although its bein grieved do i see it goin anywhere? just as i didnt have my hopes up for clemency i expect nothin from the grieveance.  Assume the worst and hope for the best.  One of my last days at work i had just came out a mtg with H.R. goin to get my stuff out my truck to start my shift and ran into my good friend Marie as i was walkin back.  She asked me if i was ok and i broke down BAWLING uncontrollably.  I had been dealt 2 blows back to back.   systematic execution.  shot dead center mass, and 2nd shot to the head making SURE i never survived my termination.

 

In this last week Ive taken a typing test to be certified for whatever field of work i decide to apply to.  I type 70wpm on a 2min test and 63wpm on a 5min shift.  Faster then even I thought i was!  I applied for several different jobs ALL paying more than the corrections center i worked for so there is nothin but good to come outta my situation.  Ive prayed and prayed and prayed non-stop (i pray all the time anyways but just now more intense)  I was soooooo stressed cause for 07 wifey and I was some hustlas banking 100k in income.  I was the #1 dispatcher for OT there in 2007 makin over 10k alone.  Blessed us wit wifey's new car, nice 24' Bayliner Pleasure Yacht, great vacation to Disneyworld and Mississippi, nice clothes.... now i was strugglin with the thought of my home going into foreclosure, cars repo'd, boat gone before i got to officially take her out and most of all... my kids being stripped of the blessed life i was graciously blessed to give them at our young age.  Immediately the 1st and ONLY thing i thought about was money.

 

You never realize just how far behind society can leave you when your at a job for 6yrs.  Everywhere i looked it was lower payin then what i had been makin or they required you to have all this qualifications.  Im just a 27yo man tryin to make a life for his family.  If i had all those degrees ya'll think id be workin for you for less than $20/hr?? so the trek went on searchin and searchin.  My campaign for jobs officially starts next week.  Unemployment aint secured nor guaranteed to me at all at this time but im prayin it does come through.  After prayin so hard my parent would back me financially till a new job came about God blessed me with a nice handy check from my employer cashin out all the 100+ hours of vacation i had bankrolled and 30+hrs of holiday time.  over $3400 i was praisin God!  No more stress every thangs gonna be aight!

 

Lately all i do is play "MR. MOM" doin stuff round the house.  Cookin.. Cleaning... Watchin my offspring lol.  Church and Politics is all i seem to make time for.  Still on the trustee committee at my church, and still supportin my boy Barack Obama!  I cant wait! i arranged childcare tomorrow (friday) so im able to go with my friend JD to the rally at Key Arena!  Im so super excited its ridiculous!  Ill be caucusing on saturday and i got my rally sign ready too!  This is so super huge. the biggest presidental bid of my lifetime personally (im 27 now) 

 

Special shout goes out to all my friends and former co-workers who've been there genuinely through all this and not bein lil nosey pricks just tryin to get the gossip to report back.  You really figure out who your friends are by those who emerge to even just txt and say "hey" and keep some kind of contact through a rough and tryin time not a "sorry to hear that, will miss you at work (knowin they lyin) good luck with what happens from here out"  keep that ish to yourself if it aint real and THATS real. Had too many fake ones around me and now i see whos real and whos not.  So those of you that came to shout me out, good lookin out and thats Love.

a letter most of you already read but in case you hadnt: